A Year in the Static

by Concubine

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04:33
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05:40

credits

released September 9, 2012

Artwork by konsekvenser.se / Elin Lundström.
Recorded at MNG Studios by Dan Swanö.
Mixed & Mastered by Dan Swanö at Unisound.

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Track Name: Redeemer
i can hear you screaming his name
through the brick walls between us
every moan is a heartache
and i erupt in these bedsheets

but all you are
is pale skin and bright eyes
like a light in the contrast
no comfort, no hearts
the only love i felt was the love alone

empty nights, chasing a flickering light
choked by strings and a dead end hope
but this storm has only begun

i could have been yours
with just those three words
but expectations became imagination
so i'm carefully separating limb after limb
as an act of your entertainment

edit my heartbeat with pills
my lungs, filled with coal
no longer breathing
no longer feeling

every night you've stolen from us
watching the headlights
turn into your eyes
i'll take them back
i'll take them back

we will never surrender
we will stand tall
we will redeem

your mirages of adolescencent love
distorting our hope into cold days alone
desperate to feel warmth
this is letting go

your downfall is brought with the horizon
the end is nigh, just one more mile
we shall all be free

we will never surrender
we will stand tall
we will redeem

every night you've stolen from us
watching the headlights
turn into your eyes
i'll take them back
i'll take them back
Track Name: Closure City
drive faster, we're losing her heartbeat
and after all we've been through,
we can't disintegrate tonight
and the radio sings lullabies in black and white,
to keep us loveless

this ambulance isn't moving fast enough

feel the wheels spin, the asphalt is giving in
every road knows what we've seen
we said that these two hearts were lost and found home
but our home is withering away
her pulse keeps fading, she's giving up hope

time is running out, with every root
growing from my legs
her love is sowing me into -
her love is rotting in her chest

but words won't keep you alive
if there's no love left in you, i have to take my heart back

because this is not my home
she's just skin and bones
but what am i, am i monster or man?
she's innocent and pure – so i can't bear
the sight of her dead limbs shaking
as they stitch her legs to her death bed
do i resuscitate her or do i let her go?

there must be more to life than love
but i can't let go without a heart

not strong enough to carry on
when living in the past is the only comfort i have
even when it kills me, every day
not strong enough to carry on to take my heart back
i'll die by your side
this ambulance isn't moving...
this ambulance isn't moving fast enough.
Track Name: As the Seasons Divide Us
i'll lose the feeling
i'll lose the feeling on us
but i'm not giving up
until i'm caving in

i'm not waiting
i'm not waiting for us
to surrender limb after limb

just answer me before i'm coming apart
like the bottle you stared in every night
i've been searching for some kind of answers
to all the questions you never asked

you became the word
stuck on every tongue
cursing and seducing
shattered and left behind
when the summer came,
i was fighting through the autumn

i'm not giving up until you drag me out
i'm still screaming your name, as it were my own.
everything for every time i sacrifice myself
i'd give it all for you to be a part of "us"

you became the word
stuck on every tongue
cursing and seducing
shattered and left behind
when the summer came,
i was fighting through the autumn

i was fighting through the autumn
Track Name: Enter a Hornet's Nest
BURN.

pretender, you beg me for mercy.
deceiver, you plead for a last chance.
separator, backstabber.
charlatan, i'm taking back what's mine.

solitude is spelled y-o-u
everyone you ever loved is gone
egoistic and self-obsessed

in every face you see yourself
an empty shell, a manufactured disguise
to seduce and to satisfy your own needs
in your eyes she's less than an object

manipulator, your name is engraved in shame
her eyes tell you that this is something more
but your eyes are blind to conscience
shapeshifter, keep making excuses
and you'll be entering a hornet's nest.
you'll wake up dead.

run up to the apartment,
kiss her hand and dance her into bed.
can't you feel the guilt?
making her a victim of your countless lies.

PRETENDER.
DECIEVER.
SEPARATOR.
CHARLATAN.

in every face you see yourself
an empty shell, a manufactured disguise
to seduce and to satisfy your own needs
in your eyes she's less than an object
manipulator, i'm taking back what's mine
shapeshifter, enter a hornet's nest

run up to the apartment,
kiss her hand and dance her into bed.
can't you feel the guilt?
making her a victim of your countless lies.
Track Name: Skin to Sleep In
this constant fear of breeding with wildfires
giving birth to arsonists
armed with charcoal and the past
seeking vengeance for my own disbelief
waking up next to last nights' desperation
the isolation is unbearable

bruising and aching, torn apart again
healing and mending, but never forgiving
fate has found me stranded on this shore
left me for dead as the vultures arrive

clutching the last of these audacious nights
her scarlet eyes scarcely said it all
anticipation got the best of us

let down, let go, let the ocean drown us
repeat, remove, replace the air with ether

these veins connect us to the soil
our bodies are dissolving
into a single nights falter
is this the price of intimacy?

nothing left for anxiety to disintegrate
nothing left for sorrow to mourn

false hope fracturing what's left of this year
unstitching the bleak fate sown onto me
pale and worn out, i shelter
as she crawls out of my skin

clutching the last of these audacious nights
her scarlet eyes scarcely said it all
anticipation got the best of us
nothing left for sorrow to mourn
Track Name: Meet Me in Montauk
standing on the shoreline
it felt like we already were lovers
i swear i've seen you before
in my arms and in my bed

they took me away
he lived my life as i lived through you
feeling love but no passion
remembering without recollection

what brought you back here?
after every apology we're starting over
don't ever leave me again

you're not even aware
that we are depleted
if we're starting over
don't ever leave me

as your hair gently flows
with the symmetry of your shoulders
they couldn't make me forget you even if they tried

after all that we've been through
you don't even trust me, do you?

erase the photographs
erase the memories, life we had
but still running off the edge of the map

come back, i miss you
come back, for the days we have left
come back, if this means anything to you
but you don't even trust me, do you?

what brought you back here?
after every apology
we're starting over
don't ever leave me again

you're not even aware
that we are depleted
if we're starting over
don't ever leave
Track Name: Last Winter
i spent nights with minus degrees
every spark we had is the only warmth that i have
this winter will stay the same until i let go

we're thawing away
we're digging our own grave
all talk and no actions,
we're stuck here
crying along with the tears of the skyline

and i felt how the snow pulled me down
dyed hair and sweets turned into the mark of a cigarette burn
a three year old heartache returns with a stolen smile

there's blood on my hands,
but it's the blood of my own
i'm through with wishing
we're all blessed with broken homes

despising all that i could not forget
blindfolded and gagged, we wander in circles for days
sacrifice what's left of your life
to unite with the storm

i'm struggling to make it out of here alive
ears defeaned from the sound of her departure
sacrifice what's left of your life
to unite with the storm

when the blizzard arrives

i spent nights with minus degrees
every spark we had is the only warmth that i have
this winter will stay the same until i let go

we're thawing away
we're digging our own grave
all talk and no actions,
we're stuck here
when the blizzard arrives
Track Name: The Sundown Path
she lays safe and sound under the stars.
trying to grasp them,
her limbs too fragile,
and so her heart sweeps them in.
pushing me out.

the city had nothing for her,
she learned to build and to mend.
i'm stuck in this glass prison,
forgetting how to feel.

is this how everything ends?

the ground beneath me splits,
when she walks with him.
putting thorns in to my heels,
watch me decompose.

am i weak, or am i shattered by fear?
am i weak, or am i worn out?
am i dead, or dead to myself?
am i dead, or fading?

tearing apart as i see those three numbers.
respulsed by the thought of her skin,
i only saw you as undone,
because i saw myself in you.

you're the last place to shelter –
from the killing sundown,
and the path home.
the tears i've shed, turned into oceans.
i'm safe for now.

the ground beneath me splits,
when she walks with him.
putting thorns in to my heels,
watch me decompose.

18 höstar och jag kunde inte vara mer vilsen
mitt rum består av tomma flaskor och splittrat glas
dina initialer bildar de två vägarna vi möttes på
mina asfalterar bara en ny väg ut från ett mörknande örebro

vi kanske skulle backa tillbaka några år
dricka och dansa hjärndöda till tomma ord tills vi vet vart vi står
men oavsett hur vi vrider och vänder på ord så handlar allting om
hur vi bara vill förtränga
men nu börjar jag inse att inte ens uppsala eller stockholm
är långt bort nog för att jag ska kunna glömma dig

du brinner, men jag inte göra nånting
jag ser hur konturerna ändras när du varsamt målar över mig
på tavlan du målade sent i maj
en pojke med ögonblicket där hoppet dör
och målar istället min bödel och giljotin
du brinner, men jag drunknar i koldioxiden
genom slangen från avgasröret
vi tynar bort i soluppgången.
vi försvinner. tillsammans.

is this how everything ends?
Track Name: In Love With the Void
swallowed by the sound of your voice
an illusion of our whispers piercing the silence
longing for more than a breath
against the neck of our nights

and my pathetic excuse for a spine
took the shivers and turned it into anxiety
how i loathe my mind and its curse
to give in at every confrontation
losing touch and chemistry
with passion and emotion

perscriptioned hope and forgiveness
just to feel like everybody else

standing at point a, but too afraid to find point b(e)
strong, be yourself, be everything that you're not
pretend that this town isn't your deathbed
”darling, take the pills and you'll be fine.”

passed out on the hospital floor
trying to scream but i'm tongue tied
”at least you're alive”
when you're dead inside, what counts as living?

i'm marching to the beat
of a dead stallion

blinded by the light at the end of the road
the fear took over
and this is where it lead me
an empty bed filled with guilt and remorse

tracing the whirlwind back to her
to let the drugs say our last words
i'm sorry that i never bid you farewell
that we never shared that night
that night meant the world
but the world means nothing to me

keep me alive by the needle,
the sweet nectar of your lips,
and the longing for this to end

it started with the frost that january casted upon me
i needed a comfort that only february could bring
but only to be ignored, so march drenches me in sorrow
someone save me

april, let me go, i can see may and june from here
escape from the deadly grips of spring, into the opened arms of july
decieved by summer, august stabbed me in the back
september just stood there, laughed and mocked me for ever trying

october, my lover, have mercy please
but it only lured me to the leaves of november
sacrificing me to december, putting me in a chokehold
i'm running out of air, through a year in the static
Track Name: White Wave
i'm choking for every minute alone

longing for a heartbeat to lead me away from grief
one million nights and you're still under my skin
vultures in my bed, waiting for me to give in
every drop of blood is a feast

young feathers scattered in the shape of a shattered heart
only you could sweep them away
unless it's all in my head... unless it's all in my head.


for every day without you here
the blood of the past takes over my veins
for every day without your eyes
it's time to forgive

for every night sleeping with ghosts
getting paler and paler
for every night i never woke up
it's time to forget

i'll rest by the neck of the mountain
creating clouds of discourse
keeping me from hearing
the silence between --

time slips away,
out of my bloody hands
seconds fly past me,
haunting me for forgetting them

time keeps slipping away,
with every breath that leaves her chest
in solitude, we will become one
are we bound by fate or by illusion?
in solitude, we will become one

when you were falling in love
i was falling apart
when you were falling in love
i was falling apart

unless it's all in my head...
unless it's all in my head

for every day without you here
the blood of the past takes over my veins
for every day without your eyes
it's time to forgive

for every night sleeping with ghosts
getting paler and paler
for every night i never woke up
it's time to forget
Track Name: New Leaf
so here we are

still stuck in this town
counting down, counting days,
counting on me to forgive and forget
i'm painting a smile on my lips just to move on

standing at the station,
getting on the next train to nowhere
every town is painted with your eyes
with an eraser and a pencil,
i draw this land of sorrow into a land of hope
still, i leave myself colorless

after every sleepless night
after every fever dream of your hair setting fire to my wooden heart
all the times I wish that you were mine
and I was yours
entwined until the end, no matter what that meant

am i the past, or am i forgotten?
disconnect, disconnect, picture perfect
(you never meant to harm me)
harm is everything i have left of you

eighteen years means nothing
eighteen years won't haunt me
letting go and moving on
letting go and moving on

eighteen years didn't count with me
eighteen years didn't forgive me
tonight, i'm letting go.
i'm moving on.

through storms, and hopelessness
i'll find someone to share this sunset with
we're a car crash between love and labor
we are ruins and bruises
but they're not our own
they are the evidence that we've grown apart

eighteen years means nothing
eighteen years won't haunt me
letting go and moving on
letting go and moving on

eighteen years didn't count with me
eighteen years didn't forgive me
so why should i forgive them?
why should i move on?

why should i forgive them?
why should i move on?

to let go is all i have left
i will wither away.
i will wither away.

I never had the chance to start over
I never had the chance to forget, just like you
I never had the chance to end my own life
I never had one to begin with

”I seem to have some sort of control nowadays”
i'm not even sure what that means
i'm not sure
I ever did

this life is out of reach
for me to live again
eighteen years,
and I'm still looking back at every defeat

i will not forgive you
i will not forget us
but you already did

I gave up, I lost hope
no more dusk, no more dawn
at sunrise, I’ll be gone.